"In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating

the world, so he took the Sabbath off."

"Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears."

"The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals."

"Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened

bread, which is bread without any ingredients."

"The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses

went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments."

"The seventh commandment is thou shallt not admit adultery."

"The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to

stand still and he obeyed him."

"Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines."

"When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta."

"Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption."

"Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others

before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by

sweat alone."

"It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get

the tombstone off the entrance."

"The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The

epistles were the wives of the apostles."

"St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which

is another name for marriage."

"Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony."

This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)  -  Enjoy!